05. When can I use mediation?

You can use mediation at any stage you feel it would help, whether you are:

• still living together;
• living separately; or
• already divorced.

You can use mediation whether or not you have been to a solicitor, and whether or not you have started court proceedings.

What if my partner is violent?
Mediators must make sure that mediation discussions are fair, and that you and your partner feel safe. So the mediator will check with each of you separately before and during mediation to see whether there is a problem of violence or abuse.

If you are worried about your safety or your children’s safety, you should tell the mediator. In that case, the mediator will probably say that you should see a solicitor. If you need a court order to protect you from your partner, you can then apply for one.

If you decide to use mediation but you do not want your partner to know your address or phone number, you should tell the mediator. You can also ask for separate waiting areas when you come to mediation.

See 'Further help' for names of organisations that can help you if your feel you are at risk of violence from your partner.

What if I don’t use mediation?
You don't have to use mediation to sort out arrangements for the future.

• You can negotiate directly with your partner and reach agreement without any outside help.
• You can ask a solicitor to negotiate with your partner for you, either directly or through your partner’s solicitor. Your solicitor may still suggest that you try mediation to settle a particular problem between you.
• You can apply to the court to settle your dispute for you. However, the court will encourage you to reach an agreement between yourselves if you can. If you have not already tried mediation, the court may suggest you do.

Do I still need a solicitor?
You may find it helpful to talk to a solicitor before you start mediation so that you know where you stand legally, especially for money matters.

Mediators can give you general information about the law and how the legal system works. However, they cannot give you advice about your own legal rights or the best course of action for you. So you may need to get your own legal advice from a solicitor, both during mediation and at the end of it, to make sure the agreement you have reached with your partner is best for you. You may also need a solicitor to draw up a formal agreement or an order for the court to make your decisions legally binding.